For Seriousness..

I am not always a serious person because it usually scares me or I shy away from it and cover it with humor. As the previous post stated I currently hate the way I look right now, which may have a bit to blame, but we will talk about that later.

There once was a time in my life I was always scared, timid, not confident, and depressed. Some of those factors have changed a little or ALOT depending on which one. I hated that person. The one that could not stand up to anyone until one day that all changed. EVERYTHING changed, some say it was for the better (for me) and some say for the worse (for him). but .. it did CHANGE. The desperate change I had been looking for for so long and when it happened I had no idea how to react or what to do. I was the one who got away, got away from all of it, luckily. I never thought I would, but I did.

These events lead to even more depression. Depression that I did not know how to explain. Depression that I thought would never happen. Everything got better I thought, well no I was wrong. It had to get worse before it got better and it did. I lived, I became stronger. I am who, I am today.

Well, it wasn't until I moved here and became lonely that all of these feelings came back. I got home sick which never happened before. I got lonely with no friends. That changed and things got better and busy and better. Well, maybe not. Things got busy, but I wouldn't say better they got hidden.

Well, now we are back to square 1 yet again. These feelings are back and I do not know what to do and knowing me I blame myself. What else can I do... What's next. I do not know the answer to these questions as the tears well up in my eyes i am done with this post.